English, Emails and Winks OH MY

Charlotte here...

I am just going to throw this out there.  If you can't write using proper English I would rather you not write me at all. I felt inclined to write this post after reading multiple emails this week from men that don't even seem the slightest bit educated.  My latest example...The subject line read:

" I don't much like ice cream"

Listen buddy, take an English class.  It took me all of 2 seconds to read the subject line and delete it. 

***POOF*** gone. If anything, put the grammar/spelling check to use. It is a simple click of a button and that may help a little bit in having me get past the subject line and to the actual email? Maybe not. Worth a try though.

In addition, the winking feature that Match has is straight up CREEPY.   I really do not understand the meaning behind it to be completely honest. Winking is weird when done in person so why in the world would I find a computerized wink next to your photo cute?  I don't.  Hence why I clearly state in my profile 

"DO NOT WINK I will not respond".  Way to go guys who still wink. Means one of two things...

1) You did not read my profile.

2) You read my profile and did not care to listen; therefore wasting my time and my email space.  

Um. Thanks.

Baby Hands

So Charlotte told you about the Doctor, which made me think of Baby Hands.  But before I dive into that story...

I've got 2 years of online dating under my belt, (I was married for just short of 20 years) and my stories have made my married girlfriends think twice about divorce, and the single ones think twice about online dating.  Sometimes I wonder if I keep doing this because the stories just keep getting better, or if I'm really looking for a man.

So I think it was about a  year and a half ago, I was on a different online site (Ok cupid, I think) and got a nice email that started off with "I know i'm only 5'9, but I think we'd be a great match."  I usually look for someone 6'0 or taller since I am 5'9, but since his email was well written (ie, no spelling errors, no horrifying grammar errors) and he had interesting things to say, I checked out his profile.  Looked okay - no big red flags - so I wrote back.  We had a nice email exchange and he asked for my number.  I gave him my super secret not real phone number (text now app for iPhone.  Awesomesauce) and we enjoyed some nice text & phone conversations. 

He asked me to accompany him on a business trip across country after maybe talking to him for 3 days... which I thought was kind of weird, but cute too.  Who doesn't like being wanted, right?

After he got back from his trip on a Friday night, he sent me a text asking if I was free the next day.  I was, so he asked if we could do something.  I was sleepy so I told him to figure it out and let me know in the morning.  I assumed he meant Saturday night, so when he called me Saturday at 10am and said he was on his way to my part of town and wanted to meet at a Starbucks close to my house, I was a little surprised!  Knowing he only lived about 30 minutes away I was thinking umm... you're a demanding ass, not enough time to get ready, no.  BUT he was so nice (famous last words), that I agreed to get myself ready asap and meet him there.

I texted him when I got to the Starbucks and he was already there.  He was exactly the same height as me (yuck) and much thinner than in his pics.  I'm a... sturdy gal... and there was no way this was going to happen, but I went ahead in for my coffee and some conversation anyway.  After we sat down at the table, I noticed his hands.  They were BABY HANDS.  Smaller than mine for sure, and so dainty.  Manicured and clearly, not involved in any kind of actual work.  I couldn't stop looking at them!  I had discovered a dealbreaker that I really didn't know existed.

Other than the hands, and the whole "meet me in 30 minutes" thing, he was a really nice guy.  Well educated, great job, etc.  It was actually tough to not want to date the crap out of him.  I just couldn't get the picture of his tiny hands outta my head.  We are, actually, still friends.  I helped him find a great (tiny) girl that was just perfect for him.  :)

Boring, yes.  But that is unfortunately the most tame of my online dating adventures!

M

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Charlotte here...

I am a solid 2 weeks into Match.com and no matter how many times Miranda tried to warn me about some of the things I may endure while dating, I can honestly say I HAD NO IDEA some of these men really did exist.

Lets rewind to Friday night.
Now, you will find that Miranda and I have nicknames for the men we go on dates with because we have found that is the only way we are able to keep track of these men. Not only for ourselves but for when our friends ask how the dates went. Okay, back to Friday night and my date with Doctor.  He was one of the first men to "message" me on Match.com and for those of you who aren't familiar with how match works "messaging" is pretty much G-chat or in old school terms AOL Instant Message.

First thing I look at when a man contacts me on Match.com.... Their profile duh! I check for four things...

1) I look at their photos. Do I find them attractive and/or are their pics corny?
(example: shirtless photos= nice for a brief sec then LAME)

2) Do they have kids/Are they divorced?

3) Are they literate? I can get a decent idea from reading the profile but you never know if their mom wrote it for them.

4) And finally, their height.

 Doctor obviously passed my four step test.  In addition, he was the first man who had the guts to call me when I finally felt comfortable enough to give him my number. Okay so this man didn't seem bad at all, although he was the complete opposite of what I tend to go for.  My friends and family are encouraging me to branch out and date men I would not normally date so Doctor was my first attempt at that BUT I had my suspicions as to what this man's deal was and on Friday evening I was oh so lucky to find out.

I kept telling Miranda and the other girls at work that I had a strange feeling about the date and I wanted to cancel but it was now or never! I went home to get ready and try and pump myself up (haha) for what I was hoping to be a great date.  I even blasted music as I drove over to the extremely nice restaurant he wanted to meet at. Miranda told me she shows up to dates early so she can jet if she sees the man and he is not at all what his profile shows him to be. Me, I show up a little late so I can't back out BECAUSE I WOULD and I would have as soon as I saw Doctor! For starters, he came up to chin at most when he stood up. LIAR FACE this doctor was for saying he was 5'8.  THEN, I got a glimpse of his hands. He had little kid hands! I have a legit fear of small hands (no joke) and this older man had the hands of a 10 year old. OH MY GOODNESS I was so uncomfortable. So it was a horrible start to the date and him asking me to repeat myself every 2 seconds did not help the matter. Was I speaking to my Grandpa? If I could have only photographed the look I was getting from the bartender and post it in this entry that could have easily summed up my night. The final straw, yes there was a final straw, came when he told me that he shared custody of his dogs with his ex wife. Done and Done.  I inhaled my glass of wine and I was out 45 minutes later. Could not take any more.

Note to self Charlotte:  DO NOT TRUST what a man's height is listed as. Automatically subtract 2inches.